Let’s talk a bit about love today! After the lecture on Monday on interpersonal communication, I have decided to “reflect” on it. Here is my take about love.
Being super bias, I would say that what keeps and separates a relationship is about how much you love the other party. During the relational maintenance process, conflict will bound to occur. And one of the most popular reasons people give about the dissolution of their relationship is differences between the two parties. Yes, I do agree that dissimilarity between two people can lead to conflict. However, if the love and bond are strong enough, these differences can be overcome. It is not easy, but not impossible. Isn’t love about giving and compromising, give and take? To give an inch and take a step back is a way to show love. To understand and accept is a way to show love. Everyone is unique, and we should not be expecting others to behave in the similar fashion like us. Moreover, accepting one’s character and habits are not only observed in a relationship, but also during our daily contact with other people. So, shall we start learning?
According to the equity theory, individuals in a relationship seek to maintain a balance of costs and rewards that are relatively equal to those of their partners. To a small extent, it’s true. As humans, we have the tendency to be “calculative”. In another word, “a tit for a tat”. However, if we are going to “count” the amount of effort, love etc being put in by our partners, isn’t that too tiring? A relationship should provide comfort and loving for us. By being overly concerned about the costs and rewards would make the relationship a chore instead. Shouldn’t we give as long as we could? Not minding how much the other party has put in? On the other hand, we have to acknowledge that we tend to expect something in return, no matter how much it is, after giving so much. Those who are under-benefiting will suffer; over-benefiting will rationalise. I feel that this disparity is due to the inner feelings of the “beneficiary” and “victim”. When one is not receiving as much, his or her emotions will rule over logic instead. At the flip side, the “beneficiary” would be able to think logically and analyse the situation since he or she has been the one “enjoying all the luxuries”. In such situation, when the “beneficiary” tries to rationalise with the “victim”, nothing would work out. What matters to both of them are different, they simply do not understand how each other is feeling. And this would escalate the quarrel.
You will never know if the relationship will work out just by standing outside the circle and evaluate it. We can’t accurately predict the future and thus, we have to experience it ourselves. At the same time, having lots of quarrels does not mean the relationship will fail in the end. I believe that after every quarrels, we get to know and understand more about each other. The main thing is to learn, accept and compromise. I know, it is easier said than done!
My views are: you will never know if he or she is the right one for u, till the last day of your life, and you are still spending with him or her. Love him or her the best you can. Love is never smooth sailing, overcome all the hurdles and the bond will be stronger.
Is there forever love?
10 comments:
Well,
I do belief that there is forever love. It really depends on what you enchor your relationship upon. Is it just a one night stand? Or is that relationship you would want to spent the next half of your life on?
And i do not buy the argument of 'tit-for-tat' because it is a blessing to give than to receive. It depends on your personality as well. Are you that kind of person who give so that you can receive or one that is willing to sacrifice yourself for your loved ones?
The tendency for humans to be 'calculative' is definitely true, however I dont think you should use the same term in a relationship. Sometimes people expect something in return, is because they want an acknowledgment of their intentions and actions. By constantly giving and not receiving, can be difficult, but of course possible. However, the difficulty comes when they are unable to feel that whatever they do is being appreciated. Hence, I think in a relationship, it is important for both parties to acknowledge each other's actions once in a while.
There was once a man who lived near a forest. Every morning, he would awake to the singing of a Nightingale, which would perch itself to a tree near his window. As the days went by, this man slowly grew attached to the bird and her beautiful song. The singing went on for weeks and he fell in love with the bird. One morning, he woke up, horrified to hear the cold silence. He was distraught, and blamed himself for not doing anything when the bird was around. That night, he went to bed with a heavy heart.
The next morning, he awoke to the beautiful singing of the Nightingale. It was more melodious than ever. He was overjoyed, but remembered the time when her absence was heartbreaking. He walked over to the window and reached out. He caught the bird. Satisfied that he would never have to live a day without her song, he put her in a big cage made with diamonds, gave her the most expensive nuts, and fed her the freshest water.
However, the bird did not sing. It did not eat the food. It did not drink the water. 3 days later, it was dead.
Love is a selfless act, where one puts another before anything else. There is no profit to be calculated, no gain to be sought. The difference in such pure love is that you would do everything to make a person happy, without expecting anything in return. But in fact, that person's smile, will bring you yours. If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was and will always be yours.
Yupps,it is important to acknowledge the sacrifices given by the other partner. I feel that we should appreciate others, in one way or another. Some people might just need a simepl "thank you", while others want something in return.
The rewards can be either tangible or intangible. I believe what matters most is to show how much you appreciate.
At the end of the day, I guess the most rewarding thing would be a successful and happy relationship. Don't you agree?
Thanks for the story Zed. It's nice. I guess there are 2 lessons learnt from the story.
1. Tell the person how much you love and appreciate him or her. Don't wait till it's gone. Although some might say it's better to be late than never! Haha. In a relationship, once you are late, you might be late forever!
2. You do not need to love someone by keeping him or her by your side. Yes, love should be selfless. However, it's not easy to to let him or her free too.
Everyone has their own opinion about love, and that's why it can never be truly defined.
And i find this pretty true, being a guy who has been in a relationship for 3++ years with the author of this blog(aww..)
Everyone displays their love and affection differently. This may be a good and important thing as both parties get a chance to be exposed to different signs of love. However, the catch is to be able to detect the action and know that this is THE way the other party expresses his/her love towards you.
Otherwise, misunderstandings will start to occur and things may turn ugly at times.
Is there such a thing as forever love? To me, it may sound like a phrase quoted from your favourite fairy tale, but i believe that there is.The road to everlasting love is hard, but not impossible.
When a couple starts to be calculative, it just shows relation cracks.
Love is like a rubic cube. Love is like a glass. Love is youth.
To always love is hard given the harsh pace of life we have in singapore.
But one thing never changes. If your love grows over the years, you would do anything to save the relationship.
all you have to do is make ur partner fall in love with u all over again.
even the old feel youthful when there is LOVE.
I would say that there is forever love, but we would be able to feel it until the last day of our life.
I believe that in every relationships, there are ups and downs. When conflicts occur, we would bound to think that this partner is not the right one, but we will never know till the end of the day.
I would say that forever love do exist if both parties are willing to give and take.
Just like you guys, I do believe that there is forever love. It really depends on who your the other half is. If he is one you really love and is able to make you believe in him, then there should not be any problem in "forever love".
On the other hand, how many couples have actually experience forever love? I guess there're more "broken hearts" as compared to loving someone forever.
I believe that love is more than just a "take and give".
Yes, its true that people tend to be calculative, but sometimes lovers just want to love without expecting anything in return.
In some cases, like a mother and her kid, I think just by seeing her child happy is already enough for the loving mother.
About forever love, I believe that it does exist. It will always continue as long as both parties can appreciate and understand each other's feelings well.
Post a Comment