Loving you, love me.

Let’s talk a bit about love today! After the lecture on Monday on interpersonal communication, I have decided to “reflect” on it. Here is my take about love.

Being super bias, I would say that what keeps and separates a relationship is about how much you love the other party. During the relational maintenance process, conflict will bound to occur. And one of the most popular reasons people give about the dissolution of their relationship is differences between the two parties. Yes, I do agree that dissimilarity between two people can lead to conflict. However, if the love and bond are strong enough, these differences can be overcome. It is not easy, but not impossible. Isn’t love about giving and compromising, give and take? To give an inch and take a step back is a way to show love. To understand and accept is a way to show love. Everyone is unique, and we should not be expecting others to behave in the similar fashion like us. Moreover, accepting one’s character and habits are not only observed in a relationship, but also during our daily contact with other people. So, shall we start learning?

According to the equity theory, individuals in a relationship seek to maintain a balance of costs and rewards that are relatively equal to those of their partners. To a small extent, it’s true. As humans, we have the tendency to be “calculative”. In another word, “a tit for a tat”. However, if we are going to “count” the amount of effort, love etc being put in by our partners, isn’t that too tiring? A relationship should provide comfort and loving for us. By being overly concerned about the costs and rewards would make the relationship a chore instead. Shouldn’t we give as long as we could? Not minding how much the other party has put in? On the other hand, we have to acknowledge that we tend to expect something in return, no matter how much it is, after giving so much. Those who are under-benefiting will suffer; over-benefiting will rationalise. I feel that this disparity is due to the inner feelings of the “beneficiary” and “victim”. When one is not receiving as much, his or her emotions will rule over logic instead. At the flip side, the “beneficiary” would be able to think logically and analyse the situation since he or she has been the one “enjoying all the luxuries”. In such situation, when the “beneficiary” tries to rationalise with the “victim”, nothing would work out. What matters to both of them are different, they simply do not understand how each other is feeling. And this would escalate the quarrel.

You will never know if the relationship will work out just by standing outside the circle and evaluate it. We can’t accurately predict the future and thus, we have to experience it ourselves. At the same time, having lots of quarrels does not mean the relationship will fail in the end. I believe that after every quarrels, we get to know and understand more about each other. The main thing is to learn, accept and compromise. I know, it is easier said than done!

My views are: you will never know if he or she is the right one for u, till the last day of your life, and you are still spending with him or her. Love him or her the best you can. Love is never smooth sailing, overcome all the hurdles and the bond will be stronger.

Is there forever love?

Effects of comic strips

Date: 15 September 2008
Source: The Straits Times
Title: Winning 4D ticket found in donation box

The purpose of this entry is to show how powerful nonverbal communication can be. Comic strips, a form of nonverbal communication can add more emphasis to the message you want to convey.

On 15 September 2008, I came across an article in The Straits Times. On its front cover, a small article titled “Winning 4D ticket found in donation box”. Beside the title, there is a 2 piece comic strips shown here. Below are my two interpretations of the comic strips before reading the article.

Interpretation 1:

As usual, Singapore, a “fine” city, with rubbish bins everywhere. The man, with a piece of paper on his hand is looking for a place to dispose his rubbish. As shown in the first box, his expression showed us that he is frantically looking for a bin to avoid getting fined. In the next slide, he was smiling happily. He managed to find a donation box and threw the 4D ticket inside. And sadly, this is what some Singaporeans did.

Interpretation 2:

After reading that article, I finally understood what it means. A man, with a winning 4D ticket, decided to “donate” this amount of money to help the needy. Instead of donating cash, he placed the winning ticket into the donation box as a form of donation. The comic strip managed to add more emphasis on the editor’s message. In addition to that, the strip managed to add a little humour to the article, making fun of Singapore as the “fine” city. At the same time, the man was glad to make that donation and was whistling.

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As we can see, both the interpretations are totally different, with two different objectives. One is to show the bad habits of Singaporeans, and the other to show the kind hearted side of Singaporeans. With the same frantic-looking eyes, and the “smile” in his eyes, we can have different interpretations. This clearly shows that nonverbal communication is subjective and has multiple channels. With the right verbal communication, nonverbal communication can work hand in hand to transmit the right message and make a greater impact. In this case, nonverbal messages both repeat and complement the verbal message.

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With Singapore being famous as a “fine” city, I feel that chronemics play an important role as well. From being a small city to a “fine” city, a series of change and events had occurred both individually and socially. What had happened in the past shaped our perception and hence we draw different conclusion from nonverbal communication. The oculesics, which is the study of nonverbal meaning associated with the eyes, play a role as well. Most of us would think that the frantic looking eyes seem to imply that he is busy searching for a bin so as to avoid getting fined. However, that was not the case.

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Hence, nonverbal communication can perform different functions as well. In this situation, to repeat and complement. Just like language, it is a powerful mode of communication as well. It can easily lead to misunderstandings, or better understandings among people.

Table tennis commotion

Title: ‘I didn’t say they would be sacked’
Website: http://www.todayonline.com/articles/272745.asp

Straight after getting the 1st medal after 48 years for the Olympics game, there was a great commotion about Singapore Table Tennis Association (STTA). I guess everyone knows about this and I feel that this issue could have been resolved behind the doors among those involved. Personally, I feel that this issue was due to miscommunication between the people in charge and the public. Most people would give credits for winning a medal for Singapore to the coach and the players. Hence, it was the wrong timing for the chairman to announce the news.

In this situation, I feel that readers play an important role. People failed to interpret and evaluate correctly about the situation and immediately jumped into conclusion that STTA president was ready to sack some people after helping Singapore to achieve its goal. This is partly due to cognitive schemata where each of us has our personal constructs, prototypes, scripts and punctuation. We tend to associate the reasons behind certain situations based on the general perception. It depends greatly on how we interpret the cause and effects in a communication interaction. In this case, people have the perception that once someone has no more values, he or she will be kicked aside. Hence, we should learn to improve our interpretation and evaluation skills before assigning any conclusion to any situation.

From this incident, I have learnt that it is important for speakers to design their messages well so as the make listening easier. There should not be any ambiguity in their messages so as to avoid any miscommunication. Although it is important to capture the attention of people, it is equally important that the speaker is able to guide the audiences to interpret correctly. It is important for spokesman to recognise how complex perception is and how easy it is to get things wrong. For instance, in the above incident, I feel that the president had failed to understand that at the wrong timing, it would be easy for the public to get the wrong idea and ends up with the wrong intended message.

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As for readers and listeners, we should learn how to judge information correctly. Being critical listeners, we should never jump to the conclusion. We have to demand for good evidence in order to evaluate the message and understand the exact meaning within it. Clarification is very important. Just as most people say, “When in doubt, ask.” As learned in communication, we should have mindful processing. By doing so, we are always thinking actively and creating new understanding. We have to be careful not to rely too much on person prototypes, personal constructs and scripts to judge individuals and situations. By using these cognitive schemata, we are more likely to conclude abruptly. For the STTA incident, miscommunication would not have resulted if the president had stated the reasons explicitly and if the public are open-minded enough to accept the true information.

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In conclusion, I feel that communication is a two way process. Both the speaker and the listener have to be actively involved in order the send and receive the right message. We have the acknowledge that in most communication processes, cognitive schemata plays a part. Both parties must possess essential skills to eliminate the risk of miscommunication.

Movie review: Money No Enough II

Title: Money No Enough II
Category: Movie
Link: http://www.moneynoenough2.com/synopsis.asp

A famous local production by Jack Neo, the second “serial” after Money No Enough l. Needless to say much, and I guess most people would be familiar with this movie. This is one of the most touching movies with lots of unforgettable scenes. However, if you do not know what the story is about, please do visit the above website for more details.

Jack Neo, a home-grown famous artist and producer, aims to produce movies close to the heart of Singaporeans. His movies are not only showcased in Singapore, but also in various other countries such as Malaysia as well.

This movie is popular not just because it is a local production. The main reasons behind its success is the content of the story, which acts as logos as they are logical and true in Singapore, and the character of the people featured in the movie. The characters were able to stir emotions among individuals, which is pathos. The show has used ideas that are unique and local to gain the attention of Singaporeans. The recent hike in prices is one of the most prominent issues used. In the movie, you can see people “throwing off” the ERP gantry as recently, the government has implemented more ERP gantries. This scene makes use of pathos and logos to show the feelings of most drivers in Singapore.

On the other hand, Jack Neo has used emotions, music, and venue to bring out the idea of rich is not define by having a lot of money, and parents are willing to sacrifice for their children. There were scenarios whereby the head of the family was in a heavy debt and his family members stood by their throughout the whole period of time. The confused emotion, the insecure feelings were all featured very well. Many people have the perception bias of by being wealthy is through the measuring of the amount of money one has. I feel that the idols of the tribe and the idols of the cave play an important part in tis biasness. However, in this move, by showing how people stand by each other through difficult times, Jack Neo managed to convey the message that having a supportive family is the richest thing one can ever have. This message is seen through the actions of the characters, and not through direct conversation. The grandma who was lying on the hospital bed was willing to sacrifice herself for her children and grandchild’s sake. This need not be explicitly stated, but from the actions of the grandmother, it can be seen clearly that she loves her family a lot. She was willing to sacrifice her life for the grandchild. To enhance the effects, sad music were added to show audiences the kind of emotional tortures the characters were under.

Hence, from the movie, we can see that communication need not be verbal. Through ethos, pathos and logos, one can convey any message well. I feel that pathos can be strongly detected here A successful communication will not only bring the message across to the other party, but also has a long lasting impact on people.